I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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