My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
