On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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