Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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