If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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