wrigley field is MILF paradise
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
