there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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