that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
