Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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