birth control should be required to get into college
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize