She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
