Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
