I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
