Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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