Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
