No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
