And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize