the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
