Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
