I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
