weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
