Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
