DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
