I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
