The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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