Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
