people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
