I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
