Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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