I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
