There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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