Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
