My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The uberlube is also flammable
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
