then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize