I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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