Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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