I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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