im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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