I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
