So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
