Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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