Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
