Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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