Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize