jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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