4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
