As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm having to shit out rocks
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