somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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