its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
