mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
