He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
