no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
