my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize