3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
