i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
