Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
