girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
