Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
