drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
