Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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