He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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