Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
