my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
