I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
