Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
