I want to stick my p in your. b.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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