I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
