I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
