Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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